Hey dude where's my wand?
by Rayze
Summary: Harry wakes to find his wand missing, after a wild party the night before. He has lost it, it seems, and must embark on a random misadventure to find it! Oneshot, rated for... ah, 'suggested' adult themes :P


_**A/N:** This was my first attempt at a Harry Potter fan fiction, and… well, it sucked. So here it is, completely revised to my liking!_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters you might think you were hearing about on Tuesday after reading this story on Sunday evening while enjoying a blueberry bagel. And so, in conclusion, I am a user, not an owner, and can not be held responsible for my actions when using J.K Rowling's characters. : )

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Harry Potter awoke in a daze, his head throbbing painfully and images of the night before flowing through his mind. His friend Ron groaned through the darkness from his nearby bed. He stretched, stifling a yawn, ignoring the pain which was now beginning to leave him. He had gotten used to his scar hurting these days, and this pain was neither as fierce nor from his scar. He decided to do a bit of reading, reaching out to his nightstand for his wand. His hand hit wood; however, it was that of the stand, and not his wand. "Dude…" Harry began, throwing open his bed curtains hastily, getting tangled in the crimson hangings, and falling to the floor along with them.

"Whazzamatter?" He heard Ron say sleepily, opening his own curtains as he heard the thud signaling someone had fallen out of bed. He slipped on his slippers, pink fluffy Hippogriffs, and shuffled sleepily over to Harry. He looked about, knowing where Harry usually kept his wand. "Dude… where's your wand?"

"Exactly! Dude, where's my wand!"

Ron shrugged. "Where's your wand dude?"

Harry threw the curtains into Ron's face. It was obvious he wasn't gonna be much help. "Just stop repeating yourself an' help me find it!"

Ron just watched him sleepily. "Maybe you lost it at the party yesterday… that was an awesome party… you remember what it was for?"

"Not a clue."

"Heh… got even better after Fred and George brought that weird drink… they even got Hermione to try some. Never knew she was so good at giving b-"

"You can stop right there... I do NOT wanna know." Harry cut in, not really wanting to hear about this at the moment. "Just...help me find my wand."

"Hermione helped me find my wand last night…"

"Ron! What did I just say?" Harry snapped.

"No! Seriously…" Ron returned with an impish grin.

The two got into their robes hurriedly, before climbing down the steps to the Common room, where they hoped to find their friend. It wasn't too difficult to notice her; she was obviously in the corner that was completely obscured from vision by books.

"Hermione!" Ron called, grinning down at the half-sleeping girl as he peered over the mountain of books. She jumped up, shooting a glare at him as one of her piles collapsed on her from the sudden motion.

"And what do you two want?" She asked hotly. She was obviously sleep-deprived.

"I was wondering if you've seen my wand." Harry asked her, a slight grin on his face from her manner.

"You _lost_ it?" She said, gaping at Harry. "You are a complete _imbecile_! Your wand is your most important possession!"

"I know that," Harry began. "That's why I need your help finding it!"

Hermione shot Harry her iciest, most vicious glare, and sighed at the blank grin she got in return. "Boys are so careless… fine, I'll help you find it."

They climbed through the Portrait hole into the corridor, the Fat Lady waving pleasantly at them as they went on their way. They began to search from the top floor down, and at about the third floor, they found a strange, bouncing little man. He was singing a song… well; it was more like a string of obscene words to a tune. "Peeves, have you seen my wand?" Harry said to the poltergeist, as he walked up to him.

"Has wee Potty lost his wandie now?" Peeves stopped in the middle of his song to grin malevolently down at Harry.

""Yes, Peeves." Harry returned through clenched teeth; trying to speak with the poltergeist was always infuriating. "Have you seen in?"

Peeves' grin seemed to grow a few sizes too large for his face. "I have, wee Potty, and you won't never ever see it again! The dungeon blonde feels like play time with it, oh yes." He blew an exceptionally wet raspberry at Harry, before flying off to cackle madly.

Harry, Ron and Hermione each looked at each other uneasily; they all knew who Peeves had been talking about. Draco Malfoy had Harry's wand it seemed… and he wasn't like to give it back. They all turned back to the stairs, and the long walk down to the dungeons. As they grew closer, Ron and Hermione broke off, saying they needed to go… ah, 'study'.

_Yeah, studying…_ Harry thought, rather annoyed at his friends. _Studying the inside of each other's mouths._

He reached the entrance to the Slytherin common room, where he soon realized that he had absolutely no idea what the password was. "Uh… Mudblood?" He tried; it was what he would use for a password if he were a Slytherin. Nothing happened.

"Nice try, Potter." A voice rang from behind.

Harry turned to face the wand-knapper, a flush creeping up to his face. "Malfoy." He spat, his anger effectively doubling when he saw Draco twirling his wand between his fingers. "Give me my wand, you stupid Git!"

"No, I don't think I will." He strolled over to Harry, a smug look sticking to his face like glue. He ran a finger down the other boy's chest a moment, as Harry watched him with a mixture of anger and utter confusion. "Though there is one thing I want from you, Potter…" He looked directly into Harry's eyes, before moving forth to quickly grab the back of his head, and move their faces together into a kiss. Harry, shocked, didn't resist at first… or at all, for that matter, as he melted into Draco's lips, and the two kissed lovingly…

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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Harry shot up into a sitting position, awake and panting in a cold sweat. The horror of the dream was still fresh on his mind, and he almost felt as if he were going to be ill. He shakily got to his knees, and pulled back the covering… sighing with relief when he saw that he was in his Dorm room. His hand moved to his night stand on instinct, grasping a moment, until he found… nothing.

"Dude…" He began slowly. "Where's my wand?"


End file.
